Well, that was a thing. An episode full of horse hooey, with only a bit of goodness thrown in as an afterthought.
None of the acts were really ready to be on the stage like this, they all really could have used a second look before tonight.
But anyway, let’s get on with this thing.
Clint Carvalho and his extreme parrots were laughable. This guy called his parrot over a walky-talky, and, after the slow assistant finally let the bird out of the cage, it flew to him. And that was his act. In my notes, I have “that was lame.” Really, that’s about all I can say about it. I’ve seen more impressive birds at the zoo bird show.
Reverse Order, a boy band that thought they could be all punk and whatnot, couldn’t. They sang Katy Perry for God’s sake! I’m not really sure if they got the point of the song, either…I Kissed a Girl is not so scandalous when you’re a boy singing middlingly to poorly. On the plus side, they were decent instrumentalists, so they have that.
If you are going to claim a friendship with Marilyn Manson, as magician Rudy Coby did, you really need to step up the weird, make it crazy. He did not. The dancing puppet was cheap looking, the switch was obvious, and the middle section dragged on for approximately ten years, which is amazing considering they get 90 seconds. If it takes you that long to change costumes, you’re doing it wrong.
7 in Unison is another teen dance crew. Their routine was boring, small, and too slow for the big stage. It was also a bit squicky, these girls were dancing “sexily” to Fever, and their bodies were not sexy. That’s not to say they looked bad, but their bodies were too juvenile for this act to stick.
Drew Erwin was a very smiley boy. Too bad he sang Torn, which is not a song you should sing while grinning the whole time. “I’m cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor” does not make me think of puppies and rainbows, is what I’m saying. His voice was decent to good, but he did the cardinal sin of gender changing the lyrics. I HATE HATE HATE it when people do that. If you are so uncomfortable with the original version of the song, maybe you shouldn’t be singing it in the first place.
Melinda Hill had a good start. Her first couple of jokes were good, even with the terribly stilted delivery. But it all went downhill from there. The stiltedness became even more pronounced, and she was snickering at her own jokes, which tells me she didn’t have someone look over it for her, helping her with the editing and whatnot, which was clearly needed.
Next, we had a kids show performer, Eric Buss. He set off snakes in a can to classical music in tails. It was about as dumb as it sounds. I don’t actually know if he is a kid’s show performer, but that’s probably where he should go, if he’s not there already.
Romeo Dance Cheetah…no. just no.
Puck is a cruise ship magician, and it shows. He did an intimate act that I’m sure plays well on a ship, but it was really too small for the AGT stage. He was the first glimmer tonight, though, and the trick was neat, if slightly obvious.
Bria Kelly sang to the audience that I know puts through most of the votes. She sang a country song, and really got overpowered by the production. The flashing lights and moving band really took the attention off of her, which was too bad, because I think her voice was decent.
Cast in Bronze is a kook, plain and simple. He played bells, poorly, and in a crazy shroud/mask combo that was really off-putting. I still haven’t figured out why he went with Christmas music in August, that was the fourth or fifth strangest thing about his act.
Finally, we had Academy of Villains, who performed well, comparatively speaking. Assuming they get through, they will be crying for a different reason in the semi’s, when they are thoroughly stomped by the five or six other dance crews that are superior to them.
And that was the whole show, a lot of cannon fodder for the semi-finals, which none of the four acts through tonight are making it past. Next week we have judge’s choice, so probably another week full of acts that have no right moving on again. Lame.
My shoulds and wills are the same this week, so I’ll just list them out together:
Academy of Villains
Tune in tomorrow to see how I did!