Glee: I Do(S4E14)

Ooooh, this episode was anger-inducing.  Apparently, just about everything that has been setting up since SEASON 3 is completely irrelevant.  Let jump right in.

Will and Emma are getting married finally, except oops, Emma’s freaking out over that kiss with Finn last week.  After an incredibly awkward  meeting where Emma is obsessing, first over the seating chart, and then over the kiss, emphatically tells Finn that Will is never to know about their kiss.  Of course, Will walks in about two seconds later, so more awkwardness ensues.

After a shoehorned in moment where Shue asks the kids to sing at the wedding, we’re there!  Will’s all excited at the front of the church, while Emma is quietly freaking out(again) in the bridal boudoir.  When Sue walks in in a dress identical to hers, Emma finishes her freakout by running away.  And so there is no wedding today.  But we do get a party, thanks to Emma’s parents, who paid for the whole thing already anyway.

In other news…

Artie meets bitchy Betty, also in a chair, and originally from the Glee Project.  After an annoying set-up(I like you because you hate me!), they dance, and then have sex.

Rachel and Finn spend a lot of time talking, with Rachel trying to counsel Finn on moving on, but he shoots her down: “Not everything revolves around you, Rachel.”  Finn is still feeling like an ass, so Rachel comforts him some more, and offers to duet with him on the song he promised Shue he’d sing.  They duet, and hold hands, and then they have sex.

Marley and Jake are getting all up in the relationship business; Marley has gotten Jake cufflinks she repurposed from an old typewriter(?), while Jake has gotten her nothing.  Ryder gives his good friend a helping hand, giving a huge Cyrano-hand in preparing a sing-a-gram, getting flowers, and finally a necklace to top the whole thing off.  And then they don’t have sex.

Santana and Quinn spend the entire episode opining on how they are the hottest bitches in the place, and then they have sex.

Blaine and Kurt make sexy eyes at each other, and then they have sex.

In case you couldn’t tell, the theme of this episode was, ‘Let’s have sex!’  There were several hilarious moments in this episode(angry!flower girl Becky was amazeballs), but just about everything else was topsy turvy.  I mean seriously.  Emma was so freaked out about her kiss with Finn she ran away?  I realize the writers have been trying to show they are having issues or whatever, but with the sporadic treatment of it, I really didn’t know enough to even care, so Emma’s leaving felt unearned.

OH! And then, when Rachel gets back to New York, we find out Brody is whoring himself out or something, and Rachel may or may not be pregnant.  Dun dun DUN!

Featuring:

“You’re All I Need to Get By” as sung by Jake and Marley

“(Not) Getting Married Today” as sung by Will, Mercedes, and Emma

“Just Can’t Get Enough” as sung by Blaine and Kurt

“We’ve Got Tonight”as sung  by Finn and Rachel

“Anything Could Happen” as sung by Marley, Jake, and Artie, with backup by the rest

Glee: Diva(S4E13)

This was such a train wreck, so lets jump right in, shall we?

Apparently, Rachel  has been a royal pain in the ass, and Kurt is not impressed.  She’s become quite the diva with a bunch of hangers-on, and Kurt is laying out the facts:  he threw the high ‘F’ in Defying Gravity two years ago, and he could beat Rachel in a sing-off easily.  Rachel doesn’t believe him, but Kurt calls her out to Midnight Madness sing-off, which she reluctantly accepts.  At the sing-off, they sing a song from Les Mis, and Rachel clearly sings better, but because this show needed to shove morals or some such crap down everyone’s throat, Kurt is determined to be the winner, ostensibly because Les Mis is Kurt’s thing, but actually because reasons.   Rachel goes into a full on meltdown, and decides to forgo the Funny Girl open call that she has been obsessing over for the last…20 minutes.  Kurt, of course, talks her down from the metaphorical cliff she was about to swan dive off of, and she and Kurt are besties again.  And then walks in Santana.  But I’ll get to that in just a bit.

Back in Lima, Finn is worried about the fight in the kids’ hearts, telling Emma that none of them want it as bad as Rachel, Mercedes, or even Kurt did.  She suggests they have a diva-off, and Finn thinks that’s a great idea, and brings it right to the kids.  All the usual suspects(Unique, Brit, Tina, and Blaine) start trash talking, all going into their best diva poses on a cat walk while singing about divas.

Blaine, in his attempt to prove guys can be divas too, starts the competition with a little Queen, and then Finn brings Santana in to show everyone how it’s done.  Tina is all pissy for two reasons: 1) she’s worried Santana is going to show her up again, and b) she’s still lusting after the clearly oblivious Blaine.  After a night of going over which song to sing with Blaine, Tina comes up with the perfect plan:  first, she’s going to have a cuddle session with an unconscious Blaine(knocked out by cold medicine, natch), then she’s going to sing about how she’s totes not hung up on Blaine at all, no siree.  Of course, Blaine gets some sort of hint, though it’s not clear if he understands the extent of Tina’s little infatuation, and apologizes to Tina.  And then, he asks her to be his plus one to Shue’s wedding.  Nice job leading her on, there, you ‘gold star gay,’ you.

In incredibly creepy news, Emma is in full wedding planning mania.  Ok, that’s not actually the creepy part, but I’m getting there, I promise.  Finn helps her pick out a centerpiece, and calms her down a bit.  But of course, Will says they are ‘fine,’ which sends Emma into a OCD-fueled mania, with crying and destroying of many MANY centerpieces.  Finn comes into her office mid-hysterical outburst, and his obvious first instinct is to stick his tongue down her throat.  As you do.  We awkward for a bit more, and then we are done with the story assumedly until next week, when the whole thing with come out in a massive explosion during the wedding.

Lastly, we had a bit of Brit/Santana drama.  Turns out little Miss Santana has dropped out of Louisville University, fully intent on getting back together with Brittany.  Santana and Sam sing it out a bunch as she tries to assert her dominance, but once again, Brit is the voice of reason, and tells Santana to get her butt out of Lima and to a place where people will enjoy her abrasive personality.  So of course, she heads to NYC to live with Rachel and Kurt.  Though it’s not like the whole group isn’t going to be back in Lima next week for the wedding, so whatevs.

This episode was pretty terrible.  The main arc had not one, not two, but THREE stories that will go absolutely nowhere:  Tina’s not gonna get a solo, nor a Blaine, and Brit and Sam aren’t gonna break up anytime soon, so that was all pointless.  Finn, a barely graduated CHILD kissing Emma, who was, six months ago, an authority figure can only lead to bad things, and Santana in NY was something that should have happened a long time ago.  Filler episode is filler, and annoying.

Featuring:       

“Diva” as sung by Brit, Unique, and Tina with backup from Blaine and Kitty

“Don’t Stop Me Now” as sung by Blaine

“Nutbush City Limits” as sung by Santana

“Make No Mistake, He’s Mine” as sung by Santana and Sam

“Bring Him Home” as sung by Rachel and Kurt

“Hung Up” as sung by Tina

“Girl on Fire” as sung by Santana

Glee: Naked(S4E12)

It’s a good thing the songs are usually fun on this show, cause it has no basis in reality.

In overarcing story news, The Warblers are disqualified for drug abuse, and the news lady that reported the news went stormed out of the newsroom over the fact that this was apparently news-worthy in the first place.

In the main plot arc of the episode, Tina has an idea to raise the money to get to regionals: a ‘Men of McKinley’ calendar!  But to make it Glee worthy, it’s a sexy calendar, with as few clothes as possible.  Because that would totally fly in a HIGH SCHOOL SETTING, SHOW.

ANYway, sans clothes is the theme for the whole episode.  To start, we turn to Sam, who has managed to score a 340 on the SAT, which is…not even possible, so good research there, show.  The lowest possible score is 600, in case you were wondering.  This leads him to some major soul-searching, and Sam realizes that his major asset is his body, and so he decides to mentor all the guys on how to look exceptionally hot for the calendar.   Sam turns into a major diva, even storming out of the calendar photo shoot in a diva rage.  Finally, Blaine talks some sense into him, reminding him via video how awesome every thinks he is, and that there are colleges that don’t require good grades.

In grown-up news, Finn is still pretending to be one, and almost drinks a cup of coffee before Sue walks in and threatens to kill the calendar.  Finn, though, has an ace up his sleeve: Sue posing naked for penthouse in the 70’s.  Sue denies the accusation, of course, but Finn takes the challenge, and…tricks Sue into confessing on tape, thereby cementing the calendar’s existence.

Apparently, Artie now barely rates c-plot status, and so we get all of three scenes with him.  First, he is not impressed with the idea of going shirtless for the calendar, since he’s more PBS than CW, which…yeah.  Then, we see him talking to Finn pulling out from the calendar.  Finally, when Sam is done being a diva, he gets Artie to be in the calendar again.  The end.  Poor Artie.

In boring love story news, Britany invites Marley over for Fondue for Two, and asks her if she loves Jake.  Marley demurs, but Britany insists she needs to expose herself if she wants her relationship to be real or something.  What this means for us is we get an entire episode of Marley trying to tell Jake, a guy she has been dating for all of a month, that she loves him.  They finally do, and Becky tells them what everyone wants to: “Get a room!”

Finally, in annoying Rachel plot, she’s been asked to be in a fellow student’s senior thesis film.  And in case you weren’t aware of the theme yet, she needs to get NAKED!  Episode title, ZOMG!  She has a debate with herself(in the actually well used ‘Torn”), and decides that she will be a part of it.  Brody is all for it, and shows his support by walking around the apartment naked.  With Kurt there.  Who is NOT okay with it.  Kurt calls back-up in Santana and Quinn, and they have an intervention for Rachel, but she decides to go for it anyway. 

But then! 

She gets to the studio, and can’t manage to drop robe, even after she makes all the creepy crew guys disrobe to make her more comfortable.  She leaves, and then duets with her girls to celebrate.

I really don’t think the writers and set designers of this show have a grip on reality.  I really enjoyed the songs this episode, but the completely unrealistic story elements completely took me out of the scenes, when it wasn’t putting me to sleep.  Oh, and side note:  I find it hilarious that Matthew Morrison still gets first billing even though we haven’t seen him in six episodes.

Featuring:

“Torn” as sung by Rachel(s)

“Hot in herre/Centerfold” as sung by Sam and Ryder

“A Thousand Years” as sung by Marley and Jake

“Let Me Love You” as sung by Jake

“Love Story” as sung by Rachel, Quinn and Santana

“This is the New Year” as sung by everyone

Glee: Sadie Hawkins(S4E11)

So apparently, continuity is not a word in the Glee writer’s dictionary.

Biggest offender? Tina.  She decided she was unempowered, or something, and started the ‘To Young to be Bitter’ club with Lauren Zises(!), Becky, Sugar Motta, and a couple of random geeky girls.  They decide they need to have a Sadie Hawkins Dance

Glee: Glee, Actually(S4E10)

So we open with Sue Meta-ing all over this business, fully explaining the structure of the show tonight:  several unrelated, but thematically similar vignettes in the style of Love, Actually.

We jump right into:

Artie.  He is fully pissed because the maintenance crew failed to properly salt the ramp, and he fell down it and out of his chair, and wasn’t able to get back in until help arrived.  Finn takes him to the nurse, and as Artie wishes he was never in the chair, he passes out of the nurses’ cot.  We wake up to a black and white world where Artie can walk, and Rory is his guardian angel.  A montage of how the world changed plays, and it was pretty ridiculous.

Apparently, Artie thinks very highly of himself, because, for starters, he’s on the football team, and Becky is the school slut due to Artie not being nice to her, and Tina is still T-T-Tina.  Puck, Finn, and Ryder are still jerks(Puck and Finn didn’t graduate cause they are morons without Artie, apparently.)  Kurt also didn’t graduate due to missing so much school from bullying(apparently, Artie single-handedly stops bullying, too), all because glee club was never started due to Artie not joining.  As if anything would have stopped Rachel, but whatever.  Speaking of Rachel, she’s now a demure librarian assistant, because a poor district in Lima can afford an assistant for the librarian.  Oh, and Terry has a baby, and is still with a (now) alcoholic Shue, and Emma is in Hawaii with Coach Tanaka.

Artie freaks out, and runs to the auditorium yelling for Rory, who tells him he was the glue that held glee together(*snort*), and with him too busy playing football to join, it never stuck.  Artie calls everyone into the choir room to try to get glee going, but no one is into, even the conspicuously absent Quinn, which Artie asks Rory about.  Turns out she died of a broken spirit after her texting and driving accident, because apparently, the writers think Quinn is an idiot in all timelines.

Artie is fully depressed over this news, but then wakes up, and is much happier for his lot in life.  We then go to…

Glee: Swan Song(S4E9)

So, we open to a chaotic choir room: Marley merely passed out last episode, and the rest of the club brought her back to regain consciousness and whatnot.  Santana calls out Kitty(and yeah, I’ve decided to go with their actual names now, cause it was getting confusing), who adamantly denies attempting to give Marley bulimia.

Shue rushes into the room next, and lets the club know they’ve been disqualified.  The Warblers win.  New Directions is done for the year.

Sue then comes in, and commandeers everything in the choir room, since they don’t have need of it anymore.  Finn calls a powwow in Figgins’ office, where he learns a bit of bummer news: Every single practice space they normally use, including the auditorium and Spanish room have been taken over by various groups, since space is at a premium in this cash-strapped district.

OH! Then, we get completely random throwaway scene:  Sue is feeling slightly bad about taking all the glee club things, but then the floppy haired piano player comes in and bitches about the kids and their annoying spontaneous song-singing ways, and Sue feels much better.

In the choir room, all the kids want to bail on the Christmas program, and point out that Sugar already has.  Sam and Blaine additionally bum about their senior year being ruined since they can’t perform at regionals or nationals, and everyone kind of agrees to be done for now, except Marley who is attempting to stop the hate-train from crashing into her station.

Next, Brit is walking down the hall, and spots a loooong row of cheerios on the floor, and begins following the trail, eating as she goes.  And at the end of the trail is…Sam!  Who declares his crush on her.  Brit shuts him down almost immediately, though, due to the whole crazy lesbian bloggers(?!?) issue that was some sort of meta joke, maybe?  I didn’t really get it, but whatever.

The next day, we see everyone in their new clubs, because apparently If you don’t have a club, you fail at high school or something.  I dunno, I prescribed to the whole ‘screw this mess’ philosophy of not giving a damn in high school, so I couldn’t tell if this was a normal thing or not.  Anyway, Artie joined the marching band, Tina and Blaine joined the Cheerios, Jake and Ryder joined the basketball team, Unique joined floor hockey, and Dreads joined the interfaith paintball league.  And now, thinking about all these clubs they joined, I am even more confused as to why glee CLUB had to disband.  None of the other clubs disband when their ‘season’ is over, much less even have a season.  Stupid plot is stupid, almost as dumb as stupid new Rachel.

The next we see of the group, Finn is yelling at them on stage that they have for six minutes.  Most of the club declines to be yelled at by a 19 year old, and leave, save Marley, who still is trying to get everyone to like her again. 

Sam and Brit are walking down the hall, and suddenly, Brit has a change of heart, and she asks Sam on a date and they kiss, aww. /sarc

Finally, at the Christmas pageant six minute practice, only Marley shows up, but she has a new place for them to practice: the outdoor caf that totally makes sense for a school in Ohio.  At first, it’s just Finn and Marley singing, but then the rest of the group shows up, and it’s very ‘let’s move on to the next chapter’ story telling, and they didn’t do a good job of singing the song, either.

Oh, and there was a dumb subplot featuring special snowflake Rachel getting an invite to perform at the Christmas gala contest, and she wins, blah blah blah, and Kurt for some reason sings too, and manages to get into NYADA for spring semester, and it is super boring and predictable, and very lame.

This episode was very irritating.  I feel like it could have been a lot better, with the chapter closing arcs and whatnot, but that mostly failed miserably, beyond a couple of actually pretty funny meta jokes(brit one excluded).  I think the whole Cheerios taking over the space was overkill, and the story of everyone splitting apart without the shared goal could have actually been milked for a couple of episodes to great effect, but no, we got a split and reform all in the space of about twenty minutes, and neither felt earned. 

Everything in this episode, and, for that matter, this series, feels rushed.  We go from not hearing about a topic to that topic being over and done in the span of a half an hour every third episode or so.  For example, sectionals, from picking songs, to rehearsing, to performing those songs happen in one episode, which doesn’t even make sense at all.

I enjoy the singing in this show, but the story arcs are terrible.  I really wish I could slap some sense into the writers, and by extension, their stupid stupid character, but I am a lowly blogger, what do I know?

Featuring:

Somethin’ Stupid, as sung by Sam and Brit

All that jazz, as sung by Cassandra and Rachel

Being Good Isn’t Good Enough, as sung by Rachel

O Holy Night, as sung by Rachel

Being Alive, as sung by Kurt

Don’t Dream it’s Over, as sung by Finn, Marley, and rest of the club