So, we open with Marley and Jake reminiscing about being poor. Their subplot is super boring, so we almost immediately cut to Blaine and Brittany watching them from a distance, and reminiscing about young love, until Brit asks, “Wait, aren’t we still young?”
We then see Kurt and Rachel discussing her and Finn’s time last night. Turns out, they did literally nothing besides lay next to each other and sleep. We also learn that not only is Finn a fail at relationships, he also fails at the army, seeing as he basically flunked out: he shot himself in the leg while cleaning Rachel, the name he gave his gun. So basically, epic army fail, along with life there, Frankenteen.
Next, we get an update on Santana and Brittany’s relationship: Santana is in full on rant mode about Kurt’s job, which: word. Basically everything anyone has said about the unrealisticness of it is spit out by Santana in a frenzy of annoyance. We also learn that she does he laundry at home every two weeks(eww), so she doesn’t have to use the skuzzy dorm machines, which totally makes sense. I remember there was definitely a panty thief in my dorm freshman year, so that is not an unreasonable thing. Lastly, Brit has joined the Left Behind book club run by the bitchy new head cheerleader, Kitty.
Blaine calls Kurt at his new job, but Kurt is completely swamped with calls due to someone being sick or busy or something, and completely blows off Blaine. Blaine almost immediately goes and pokes some rando on Facebook, cause that’s how he rolls, obviously.
Rachel invited Finn to accompany her to all her classes for the week, and he voice-overs that Rachel is awesome, and fits in soooo well at Nyata, and how he never could. Well, yeah, with that defeatist attitude, you’ll be a Lima loser forever, numbnuts.
After they get back from class, Rachel and Kurt inform Finn that they are going to Callbacks, only the hottest karaoke club for aspiring starlets, and those fully self absorbed nincompoops that think that karaoke will actually lead to something big. Now, I love karaoke, but I have no delusions that when I sing, that it’s even going to sound even remotely like the song I’m attempting to sing…so, in other words, get over yourself, Rachel. Right before they do leave, Blaine makes a surprise appearance at the loft, and everyone is super happy!
When they get to Callbacks, Blaine is acting very strangely, very standoffish. Brody runs into Rachel and Finn, and tries to convince Finn to sing with Rachel, but he is having none of it. Finn does tell Brody and Rachel to sing together though, and they break into Demi Lovato, because the high-brow Nyata kids would totally be into pop music. Then it is Finn’s turn to act strangely, as Brody and Rachel show off their ‘chemistry’ for the crowd.
After they get done, Blaine wants to sing a song to Kurt: “Teenage Dream,” the first song he ever sang to him. It is super angsty, and super uncomfortable, so everyone leaves the club, and takes a walk down a surprisingly empty boulevard. Finn and Rachel talk about how he feels untalented, and that he doesn’t fit in, and Kurt and Blaine talk about that weird performance, with Kurt calling Blaine out on his being weirdly sad. “Stop saying there’s nothing wrong, when clearly there is.” Rachel and Blaine finally confess to their cheating, and the group of them break into “Don’t Speak,” because of course.
Cut to the loft in the morning after, and Finn is attempting to make a clean break, but Kurt catches him. They have a quick chat and brotherly hug before Finn ditches to Lima.
Back at McKinley, Kitty, the bitchy head cheerleader, is trying to get new members for her Left Behind club, and is apparently this season’s stereotypically fanatical Christian. Jake is apparently already in the club, and convinces Marley to try it out too, and bored now.
Now at Breadstix, the Left Behind club stages a fake left behind moment for a random girl that isn’t so sure about this whole thing. After the inevitable freakout, Santana, who had been drug there by Brit, doesn’t want her to be a part of this club. But Brittany indicates the random girl still in the fetal position on the floor, and tells Santana that’s how she felt when Santana left HER behind. Plaintive looks all around, and we cut to…
Shue’s office, where Finn walks in. He wants a bit of counseling, and a hug. Aww.
We then see Blaine and Finn in the choir room, and they are talking about Blaine’s cheating. Soon, everyone else comes in, and most are excited to see Finn, except the new kids, who are like, “who?”
Shue lets them know that they need to get ready for the fall musical, which late much? Shouldn’t that be started in like, the first week of school? Anyway, the kids throw out various suggestions, mostly lame or not appropriate for high school, until Finn throw Grease into the mix, which everyone LOVES.
Cut immediately to the Shue residence, where we learn Mr. Shue got on the panel, and fully expected Emma to come with him to Washington DC. I am fully with Emma as she goes, “oh, there is no way in hell.” Shue tries to guilt her into coming, and she is having none of it, and walks out the room.
Short cut to Kurt in New York, where he sadly looks at a sad note from Blaine, and sadly throws it into the garbage can, sadly. In case you couldn’t tell, Kurt is sad.
And then, we go back to the choir room, where Santana and Brittany are talking about their relationship like the mature people they…aren’t really, but we’ll go with it because it’s the only breakup in this episode that doesn’t end with animosity. Anyway, they talk about how long distance relationships are hard, and neither really gets what they want to need. They decide to ‘not break up’ by essentially breaking up. Basically, they’re saying is they are punting their relationship down the road, and will be together later if it is meant to be. Surprisingly grown up for any character in this show.
Then we go back to boring, and Jake break ups with Kitty for being mean to Marley, but fails to start a relationship immediately with Marley, so she is sad panda.
Finally, we have a massive rendition of “The Scientist” by every couple on the show, interspersed with flashbacks of Fichel? Rann? whatever, the Rachel/Finn relationship, and tons of angst again, some more.
We end with Finn and Rachel on the auditorium stage. Rachel calls Finn out on his dickishness, and they finally, FINALLY break up once and for all, and now Rachel and Brody can get together without all the ‘omg, I am teh cheaterz,’ thank god.
This episode was actually solid, with the exception of the boring new kid stuff, and we actually got some story arc progression, which is great. Now I’m kind of wondering if Blaine is gonna leave, which would be an actual interesting twist.
“Barely Breathing” as sung by Finn and Blaine
“Give your heart a break” as sung by Rachel and Brody
“Teenage Dream” as sung by angsty!Blaine
“Don’t Speak” as sung by Finn, Blaine, Rachel, and Kurt
“Mine” as sung by Santana
“The Scientist” as sung by Finn, Blaine, Santana, Kurt, Brit, Shue, Emma, and Rachel